


fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 1

by primreceded



Category: Supernatural RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-14
Updated: 2010-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primreceded/pseuds/primreceded





	fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 1

Title: Maybe In The Future  
Rating: NC17  
Fandom: Supernatural RPS  
Disclaimer: All characters are real people, this story is false. I am in no way earning money or other profit from this fanfic.  
Char/Pair: Jensen/Jared, implied Jared/OFC, and past Jensen/OMC  
Prompt: None - spn_j2_bigbang 2010!  
Spoilers: None  
Warnings: Slash and het, hurt!Jensen, angst, language  
W/C: 21,538  
A/N: This is a sequel to It's Not The Same Old Star but can be read as a stand-alone if you haven't gotten to that yet.

\--

New Year had been uneventful. On the eve of 2013 they’d watched the Rockin’ Eve special on Miami’s ABC affiliate and toasted the Winchester’s with some cheap champagne before Jared pushed him down into the cushions and chased the taste with his tongue.

So maybe not so much “uneventful” as “not too far from every other day” but whatever.

It was awesome.

\---

They hadn’t left the house for anything more than letting the dogs do their business in… a long time, and groceries were beginning to run low, and no matter how delicious the take-out was they couldn’t live on it forever. So Jensen makes an executive decision.

“I hate grocery shopping, Jense,” Jared whines up at him from the bed, pulls the covers down long enough to throw some puppy eyes at him but Jensen isn’t falling for _that_. Right now. He keeps his eyes focused on the wall above the bed as he fumbles for the blankets and throws them to the floor.

“Come on, get up Jared. We need real food, maybe some vegetables.” Jensen heads over to the dresser and starts pulling out clothes for Jared to throw on. “You’re going to gain six hundred pounds and I’ll have to leave you for someone hotter. Do you know how much work that is?”

Jared snorts, shifts up onto all fours and crawls across the bed, wiggles his ass and bats his eyes at Jensen, “I’m more than just a pretty face, you know!”

“You will be if you keep eating the way you do, now come on.” Jensen throws the clothes at Jared, the Tee shirt smacking him in the face and Jared pulls it away with a growl. He leaps off the bed, feet getting tangled in the comforter as he tries to get to Jensen but he manages to right himself, grabs hold of Jensen‘s own shirt and stands towering.

Long fingers dig into Jensen’s forearms as Jared bends down and kisses him. Proves he’s really not just a pretty face after all.

 

An hour later they’re both dressed (Jensen again, Jared _finally_ ), sated and making their way to the grocery. The sun beats down on them but it’s not hot, he’s still not used to winters without bundling up. He’d be lying if he said he missed the snow.

Jared is silent beside him as they walk down the street, but it’s a companionable quiet and their arms brush every so often. He doesn’t think either one of them are comfortable enough yet to reach out and lock fingers, haven’t really had that discussion. People around them probably won’t care, but there are chances and he’s not sure they’re willing to risk it. The want is there, though. Thrumming low under his skin and making him itch.

He thinks that counts for something.

The grocery is small but it holds everything they would need, including enough candy to satisfy even Jared’s sweet tooth. Jared takes off in that direction after grabbing a hand basket and Jensen shakes his head, grabs his own cart and yells after Jared not to go crazy. He knows that come checkout they’ll be putting back more than they’re taking home.

The market is not very busy, only a few other customers besides Jared and himself and Jensen likes it that way; likes being able to take his time while picking out his food instead of being pushed and shoved down the aisles, likes even more not having to stand in line for twenty minutes to check out. He makes a mental note to remember the time and day so they can come back again and beat the crowds.

Jared is singing along to the radio a couple of aisles over, probably dancing too and not caring that he’s making a complete ass out of himself. Jensen shouts that he’s off key and to pick up something healthy as he rounds the corner.

When his cart collides with the one in front of him Jensen feels it all the way to his teeth. He lets out a surprised chuckle, “You’re such a menace, Jay,” he says.

“Funny, you had no problem with me before.”

Jensen jerks at the familiar voice that doesn’t belong to Jared. He hasn’t seen Cayetano since he broke up with him, so many months ago, and it’s definitely a pleasant surprise to have, literally, run into him.

“C? Holy _shit_ ,” Jensen grins and side-steps both shopping carts to throw his arms around the other man’s neck, laughing. He’s still as gorgeous as ever, dark hair a little shorter but no other differences that Jensen can find. Holding him again he still ignites a little bit of a fire in Jensen’s belly that he supposes will always be there, but Jensen knows it will never go anywhere ever again. Not as long as the giant dork that’s roaming the grocery store is still in his life.

“You look good! I mean not that you ever looked bad, but it’s been months so yeah, you still look good. Um, it‘s really nice to see you?”

“It’s nice to see you too, Jensen,” C smiles at him and Jensen can’t help but return it. “I see that whoever you broke my heart for was worth it.”

Jensen jerks in surprise at that, but there’s laughter in Cayetano’s eyes so Jensen only slightly freaks out. “What? There wasn’t any -- what do you mean?”

“Jensen, you are not so subtle and I am not so stupid. But the sex was great, yes? If you were picturing someone else at times, who am I to judge?”

Guilt sparks in Jensen‘s belly but he can‘t really deny it, would be a damn liar if he did and he‘s never been anything but honest with the man in front of him, owes him that even now. He never made it a habit of thinking about Jared when Jensen was spread out for someone else because it hurt too much afterwards, but there were times when he couldn’t help but wonder what those giant, calloused fingers would feel like.

“You are happy, though, yes?”

“Yeah, man, I’m really happy.”

“Then that is all that matters,” C nods, topic over.

Jensen’s about to ask him how he’s been and what’s he been up to but a hand comes around his waist to settle on his hip and when he looks up he finds Jared. He should be annoyed with himself for the love sick grin that spreads across his face, at Jared for the possessive clutch the man has on him, but he’s not. So sue him.

“Jay, this is C, an old friend,” Jared takes his hand from Jensen long enough to shake C’s and he grunts a hello.

“It’s nice to meet you,” C says, a small knowing smile on his lips. “And it was really a pleasure seeing you again, Jensen. I really should be going though. You will take care?”

“Yeah man, of course,” Jensen steps away from Jared, gives Cayetano a quick hug because he really has no idea when or if he’ll ever see this man again. “You be good,” he says and steps back to Jared’s side.

“Yes,” C nods and steps past them, doesn‘t look back. Jensen watches him until he rounds the corner though, silently thanking the man for being so understanding and a part of his life, even if it was only a short time.

“Come on, dude, let’s finish so we can get home.”

Jared pulls him out of his thoughts and around the corner towards the cereal aisle where he dumps the contents of his hand basket into Jensen’s cart.

Jensen shakes his head at him, “Man, how do you have any teeth at all left?”

\---

“So you gonna tell me about him?”

They’re back home, in Jensen’s kitchen and putting their groceries away. The dogs are snuffling on their beds in the corner, finally settled after they’d pounced all over Jared when he’d come back like he’d been gone for months instead of only an hour. They had of course completely ignored Jensen. Until he bribed them away with a Milk Bone.

“About who?”

“The guy at the store.” Jared’s leaning against the counter, eating out of a bag of chips while going for nonchalant and failing pretty damn hard

“There’s nothin’ to tell, Jay.”

Jensen puts the milk away and turns back to find Jared staring at the floor, chips forgotten beside him on the counter and he sighs. He should have figured getting off so easy with C at the grocery wasn’t going to be the end of it.

“You don’t want to know any of the details Jared, believe me,” he steps up in front of his boyfriend, wraps his arms around his waist and clasps his fingers together behind Jared’s back.

“We met at one of Chris’ gigs, hooked up afterwards and we had a good time for a while. It was fun, he kept me company. Don’t go emo clown on me, okay? Me and him are in the past, you’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Jensen leans up and kisses Jared softly on the lips before pulling away and finishes putting the groceries up. He’s hoping his turned back will officially end the conversation. It’s not that he still has feelings for Cayetano because he really doesn’t. He just doesn’t want to fight with Jared or dredge up old feelings that he might have had while they were together and Jared was off in California living happily with Sandy.

Jared kisses him on the temple but doesn’t say anything before he shuffles into the living room and Jensen figures, hopes, that it’s conversation over. After popping a frozen pizza into the oven for lunch he follows Jared out to the living room and they make out, Jared like he’s got something he needs to prove, until the oven timer dings.

\---

Jared and Chad had a falling out in 2006. Chad had tried to argue that Jensen was eating up all of Jared’s time and Chad hardly got to see his best friend anymore and if he _had to hear about Jensen one more time he was going to puke_. And maybe it says a lot about Jensen - like how he’s a twelve year old girl - that he got a little giddy about Jared choosing him, but so what? It’s _Jared_. And yes, as far as Jensen is concerned (he’s twelve, remember?) that’s all that matters.

And anyway, it’s not like they didn’t make up again.

\---

“Jayman, what the fuck are you doing in Miami?” Chad pushes his way past Jensen into his apartment without so much as hello and Jensen makes a mental note as he closes the door to train Harley and Sadie to become vicious attack dogs.

Jared pulls Chad into a hug and Jensen waves away his mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ over Chad’s shoulder. Chad came devoid of bags so hopefully that means that the other man already has a motel room somewhere, so Jensen can mostly forgive the unexpected visit.

“Been spending some time with Jensen, what are _you_ doing here?”

“Uninvited,” Jensen chips in on his way to the kitchen for a couple of beers.

“I came to see my BFF!” Chad shouts, and as an after thought, “And I guess Jensen, too.” Like Jensen should be grateful or something.

He snags the beers and heads back to the living room, passes them off before flopping down into the armchair.

“How’d you know I was here?” Jared asks, grinning at his friend as he pops the top on his beer.

“Called your mom,” Chad replies with a shrug.

“How’d you know where I lived?” Jensen asks him.

“I called your mom,” he says it like it’s no big deal and that slightly worries Jensen. He’s going to have to give his mom a ring later. “Shit Jensen, why Miami, you on the run from someone?”

“Apparently not,” Jensen says and Jared snorts while Chad squints at him.

“Whatever, Assckles. At least it’s a party town, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t pass one chick not in a bathing suit on my way over here,” he takes a final swig of his beer before slamming it down on the glass coffee table that thankfully doesn’t crack. He jumps from his seat on the couch and stalks back over to the door.

“Let’s go, bitches! Show me a good time,” Chad pauses at the door and turns back to beckon them. “Oh, come _on_.”

“I don’t know, Chad,” Jared starts to protest but Chad just cuts him off, narrows his eyes at Jensen.

“If you’re afraid to leave your wife at home, he can come too. I’m sure the bars have early bird specials, or something.”

“Fuck you, Chad. You’ve got some nerve coming into my house --”

“Okay, guys, calm down,” Jared stands up, holds out his arms to stop them from arguing. “Chad, we’ll go out for a little while only if you promise to stop being a dick.”

Chad rolls his eyes but nods his acquiescence before opening the door, back turned towards them.

“You want to come?” Jared asks him but Jensen shakes his head no.

“Nah, you go. I’ll stay here and find the perfect spot to hide bodies.”

“Okay,” Jared laughs and then reaches down to squeeze his hand before heading to the door. Jensen’s a little taken aback by that move but shrugs it off.

“Man’s a wet blanket, Jay. Don’t know how you ever stayed friends with him.”

Jared turns around to smile apologetically at Jensen, but he waves it off.

“Have a good time!” he calls as Jared shuts the door behind him. “Feel free to drown in a pool of your own vomit, Chad.”

Jensen’s asleep when Jared gets back in that night. He’d spent the evening with the dogs; taking them on a long walk and then playing a seemingly endless game of fetch in the backyard, an attempt to tucker them out so they wouldn‘t be so clingy later. After he fed them they passed out in their dog beds and Jensen ordered a large pizza that he ate half of by himself, not having to fight over the slices like he does when Jared’s home, and had a quiet night to himself, minus Harley drooling all over his lap while he flipped through the television.

He’d given up on finding anything decent to watch and Jared coming home to keep him company around 9 o’clock and took a quick shower where he jacked off nice and slow thinking about Jared’s tongue, before climbing into bed. The sheets had been cool beneath his head and it didn’t take him long before he passed out. Now he’s jerked awake by Jared swearing into the bedroom and he raises up to squint at the bedside clock. The neon lights flash 3:30 in bright green and he groans, scrubs a hand over his face.

“Jense? Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jared says as he sits heavily on the side of the bed. Jensen can hear the ruffle of clothing and assumes Jared’s getting undressed and a few moments later the covers are finally lifted as the other man slides in next to him. Jensen turns on his side to face him and smiles sleepily, eyes adjusting to the dark.

“S’okay, you have fun?”

“I guess,” Jared whispers before leaning in to press a chaste kiss on Jensen’s lips. “It’s not really my thing anymore, you know? Chad thinks you’re a bad influence on me.”

Jensen huffs a laugh and he can see Jared’s returning smile, teeth a bright white in the darkened room. “I told him we were together.”

Jensen lets out a quiet, startled noise and holds himself perfectly still, waiting for Jared to elaborate. It takes a minute for him to get started though, his giant fingers tracing patterns over Jensen’s forearm.

“I wasn’t really going to, but this chick kept hitting on me and he couldn’t understand why I wasn’t doing anything about it. Finally I just took him aside and told him, and then he managed to sweet talk the girl into the bathroom.”

Jared yawns and snuggles into the covers, reaches out to link their fingers together. “He seemed to take it okay,” Jared says and Jensen lets out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. Chad’s approval means jackshit to Jensen himself, but he knows Jared would hurt by it if Chad decided Jared was something to hate now.

“It’s good,” Jensen says. “That you told him.”

“Yeah. He’s not really as bad as he comes across as,” Jared says and Jensen would believe him, but, he’s met Chad.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay?”

Jared chuckles and whispers his agreement. Jensen buries himself closer to his boyfriend, and closes his eyes, sleep already taking him back under. After a few moments of silence, though, Jared’s voice jerks him back to consciousness.

“He’s kind of on our couch,” Jared whispers. “He was drunk off his ass, and I didn’t know what hotel he’s staying at. I couldn’t just leave him there, so… I’msorrypleasedon’thateme?”

“ _Damn it,_ Jared!”

\---

Turns out Chad’s hotel is Jensen’s living room. Having come straight to the apartment from the airport in his little rental car he hadn’t had time to check in any place, and Jared’s puppy eyes are still as potent as the day Jensen met him.

“Fine, _goddamn it,_ ” Jensen had hissed. “But if he even so much as thinks of throwing up on any of my shit, I‘m tossing the both of you out on your asses.”

Jared had just laughed and kissed him on the cheek before plopping himself down next to Chad on the couch to play Guitar Hero. That was about five hours ago, and other than the occasional bathroom break and run to the kitchen for snacks, neither one of them has moved.

“Are you two planning on letting your Functioning Society Member cards expire?”

Jensen sits next to Jared on the couch and kicks his legs up onto the coffee table. Chad’s swaying back and forth on his feet, in some sad excuse for rhythm, while he punches away at the controller in his hands.

“Pull the cork out, Ackles, I’m in the middle of kicking some ass,” Chad mumbles, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration.

“Yeah, Ackles,” Jared says with a grin. Jensen pokes him in the ribs and Jared squawks trying to get away and laughing. He ends up fumbling some notes and losing time with the song, which makes Chad the victor.

“Take that!” Chad shouts, fist pumping the air before ripping off the guitar and beating it into the ground.

“That’s not fair, Jensen distracted me!”

Chad just snorts and walks towards the console to change discs. Jared pouts over at Jensen from where he smooshed himself into the corner to get away from Jensen’s prying finger and Jensen chuckles at him.

“Aw poor you,” he says, “Come here.”

Jared keeps his lip poked out right up until Jensen knocks their foreheads together lightly when they meet in the middle of the couch and then Jensen kisses the ridiculousness away. The plastic guitar is poking painfully into Jensen’s sternum but he doesn’t care, just tilts his head for better access to Jared‘s questing mouth.

“Oh come _on_ ,” Chad groans, suddenly in front of the couch and staring down at them. “Do you have to do that?”

“I don’t know Chad, do you have to breathe?”

Jared pulls away and straightens up, takes off the guitar before standing and grabbing the other controller from Chad. He sets them back next to the Playstation and turns the console off, the sound from regular television filling the room.

“Hey I wasn’t finished with that,” Chad whines before throwing himself backwards onto the couch next to Jensen.

“We’ve been at it all day, man,” Jared says. “I’m gonna let the dogs out for a few minutes and then _we_ are going out for some air. Behave yourselves while I’m gone.”

Jensen sits in the corner of the couch, silently, watching the channels flip through as Chad plays with the remote next to him, whistling out of tune. Thankfully it’s not long before Jared comes back, and he’s up off the couch and slipping into his sneakers before the dogs are back into the apartment, keys and wallet in hand.

The great thing about living in the area Jensen lives is that it’s a close commute to everything. There’s the grocery store, of course, but there’s also bars and great little restaurants that serve the most amazing things Jensen’s ever put in his mouth. Food wise, anyway. And it’s all within walking distance, or just a short cab ride away, so Jensen can get as drunk as he wants and not have to worry about it.

Martin’s is ten minutes away from Jensen’s apartment, tucked away down an old alley. You can hear the music before you even actually get to the door, and it does good business. Jensen sometimes comes for lunch when the crowds are thinner and you can hear yourself think, but he also likes the fast pace dinner hour as well. They serve great beer and that’s all anyone really needs anyway.

Chad makes a beeline for the bar while Jensen and Jared find their way to a table. There are colored lanterns strung up along the ceiling, and the radio is blasting a Latin beat. The floor is clean beneath their shoes and the tables are clean wood, a far cry from any dive the Winchester brothers had ever stepped foot in. Dean would like the place though, Jensen thinks.

Chad winds his way through the other patrons, three bottles of beer in each hand and he plops them on the table when he gets there, mouth tipped into a grin.

“Nice choice, Ackles,” he says, slapping Jensen on the back as he takes a swig from one of the bottles. “This place is awesome.”

“I told you he had brains too,” Jared says, and reaches over to pinch one of Jensen’s cheeks tightly between his fingers.

“Ow, you ass,” Jensen says, swatting Jared’s hand away and reaching up to soothe the ache in his face. Jared just grins at him before lifting a beer to his lips.

“I’m gonna go pick up some chicks,” Chad tells them before scurrying off, not even waiting for a reply.

“How is his dick still attached?” Jensen wonders aloud, nearly choking Jared on the mouthful of beer he’d taken. Jensen reaches over and slaps him between the shoulder blades, grinning. “’Pologies.”

The stream of people changes throughout the night but it’s never so busy that Jensen can’t hear Jared, and they chat until Jared gets hungry and they silently tuck into the food they order. Chad wanders by every once in a while to let them know that he’s still there but he’s having a good enough time on his own.

Jensen gets up to return their empty food baskets and order more beer after they finish eating. The bartender is busy, but he nods to let Jensen know he’ll get to it when he can and Jensen leans against the bar to wait. He takes the time to scan the crowd, eyes landing on Chad who’s set by the door, flanked on both sides by a couple of dark haired beauties, wearing next to nothing. Jensen can practically smell the smarm oozing off of him, but Jensen figures if the girls don’t mind then he won’t either.

He’s got a clear shot of his table where he stands by the bar and he can see Jared, head bent low and nodding intently to whatever is being said. The woman he’s talking to is leaning over the table, in a not very subtle move to give Jared a birds eye view down the neck of her t-shirt and Jensen has to remind himself it’s not polite to rip a lady off a bar stool and toss her across the room.

He waits a beat to see what the woman does and then Jared’s laughing, booming with his head thrown back and showing off his teeth. Jensen can’t help but smile every time that happens, but it’s wiped away when the woman reaches out with one tiny hand and lays it on Jared’s arm. Jensen doesn’t wait for his order from the keep, just makes his way back to the table before sitting down as close to Jared as he can get, giving off a clear signal while still being subtle. They’re in public after all, and this woman could be anybody.

“Hey,” Jensen says as cheerily as he can through clenched teeth. “What’s goin’ on over here?”

“Jense, I was just talking with…”

“Melanie,” she says, hand still on Jared’s arm.

“Right,” Jared smiles shyly at her, sorry I missed your name-dimples.

“What were you talking about?”

“Oh,” Jared scoots forward on the stool, leans into Jensen’s face and Jared smiles at him. “Melanie was just telling a really funny joke she’d heard, and… well, why don’t you tell him?” he says turning to her, finally moving his arm out from beneath her hand.

“Ah, it’s funnier the first time,” she says, waving them off. “So Jared--”

“Did you forget the beer Jen?”

“They ran out,” Jensen says before reaching up to tug on Jared’s shirt. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Jared excuses them from the table and Jensen weaves them through the other patrons, past the bar. He can feel Jared pressed up against him, a warm solid mass at his back. When they get to the bathroom Jared clicks the lock into place while Jensen checks the empty stalls just in case, and then he’s being crowded up against the blue tiled wall.

“I thought for sure she’d burst into flames the way you were glaring at her,” Jared says, nipping at Jensen’s bottom lip playfully.

“She was touching you,” Jensen spins them; pushes Jared back against the wall and licks his way into his mouth. He pulls away, head bowed to make quick work of Jared’s belt and fly, not even pausing before sticking his hand between the open denim and wrapping his fingers around Jared’s cock, half-hard in his hand.

“Jesus, I think I like you jealous,” Jared pants, helps Jensen push his jeans past his hips. The material gets trapped somewhere around his knees, but he doesn’t really mind. “I’ll have to remember this, go flirt with anything that walks by, make you all envious.”

He rattles on until Jensen hits his knees on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. Jared fists his hands in Jensen’s hair, and Jensen takes him into his mouth in one quick motion, effectively shutting Jared up while Jensen works him over.

Jared spills into his mouth just as there’s banging on the door, someone groaning against the wood as they rattle the knob. Jensen swallows and stands quickly, waits for Jared to tuck himself back in and go to stand by the sink before he crosses the room and unlocks the bathroom door. Chad pushes his way inside and past Jensen, stumbling to the stall where he lands in front of the toilet to heave.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I want to see post coital,” Jensen grumbles.

Jared huffs a laugh before crowding into the stall to check on Chad. The other man groans and spits into the porcelain bowl.

“I better not be kneeling in anyone’s come,” he says before throwing up again.

\---

They say goodbye to Chad on a Thursday. Jensen goes with Jared to drop him off at the airport and Jensen admits, to no one but himself, that he’ll maybe miss the little bastard. He stands back while Jared and Chad hug it out, call each other names and promise to keep in touch. Chad salutes them before he goes through the terminal.

The days seem to fly past after that. Jared takes a trip out to California to meet with his manager about a script and she agrees to negotiate what she can and he comes back happy and convinced the part is his. While Jensen is thrilled for him, he is at the same time hesitant to let Jared go. They finally found themselves in a comfortable rhythm and Jensen likes being tucked away in Florida, safe with no worries or demands of Hollywood. But he would never want to hold Jared back so he says nothing but congratulations and good luck wishes.

Spring is popping up and while Miami never gets anywhere near Canada during the winter months, it’s still nice to go outside and see the stirrings of new life when the weather warms. He never thought that he would end up anywhere near Miami, but here he is and here he is enjoying himself and wanting to stay.

They don‘t go to the beach, still a little too cold for that but there’s a park that allows dogs and they go at least once a week if not more to hang out and let Harley and Sadie run free.

Jensen’s been thinking about getting a bigger place, somewhere with a yard so that the dogs can go out whenever they want to, but he’s not sure. He doesn’t know how long Jared is planning on staying for and while a house would be nice, it would also seem like a waste of space if it ends up just being him.

They’re at the park, lying on an old blanket spread out on the grass and watching the dogs chase the birds around a small lake in the center of it all. Jensen’s got sunglasses on so he can stare openly at Jared, and he does. The other man is lying on his belly, leaning on his arms as he flips absently through a magazine. His shirt is stretched tight across his shoulders, down a tapered waist to reveal a patch of tanned skin, which he probably shouldn’t reach out and touch.

Jensen’s been thinking a lot lately, about him and Jared, about their relationship and going public. He knows pretty much without a doubt that it’s that time, that he’s ready to take that step. But he doesn’t know if _Jared_ is ready, they haven’t talked about it and every time Jensen tries, the words get stuck in his throat and his tongue forgets how to do its job and he ends up just standing their gaping like a fish while Jared looks at him like he’s crazy. Or something.

He knows he can’t ask Jared to do something that he’s not ready for, but Jensen is ready and he thinks that he could take that leap for Jared, if he wants him to. It has to be for Jensen too, of course, because it’s his future and career as well as Jared’s. He doesn’t really know how well his family would react; he thinks his mom at least might suspect something is up, and his father might have insinuated something in a stereotypical way while he was doing Wicked last summer but. But for the most part he’s pretty sure he’ll still have a mother and father by the end of it.

What he hasn’t quite figured out yet is what he wants to do with the rest of his life. A half hour sitcom might not be so bad. NBC has been producing some pretty good ones lately that don’t all require slapstick, and he’s got a decent sense of humor if he does say so himself. Behind the camera is somewhere he’d like to be at least once, to see how it feels to be calling the shots instead of following orders. Maybe. It’s not like he has to figure it out right away.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” Jared interrupts his wandering mind, sitting up now and shielding his eyes against the sun as he looks at Jensen.

“Us,” Jensen says and Jared wiggles his eyebrows. “Not like that, perv,” Jensen pulls up a handful of grass and throws it at Jared who squeals exaggeratedly and swats it away, drawing the attention of the dogs who come bounding over to climb all over him.

Jensen watches them play for a bit, getting in a tug of war match with Harley and the rope toy until his arm starts to hurt and he admits defeat. The dogs bore of them quickly though and go back to doing what they had been before Jared distracted them.

“What about us?” Jared asks, voice serious. Jensen shrugs, thinks over his words carefully before he answers.

“Just. Nobody cares about us here, you know?” He swallows, licks his lips before continuing. “Like I could kiss you right now and I don’t think there would be one person who would stop and look.”

He’s glad he’s got the sunglasses to hide his eyes because he’s not sure what would be showing in them at this moment, and he thinks that with the way Jared’s tensing up he’s about five seconds away from bolting back to the apartment.

“I mean I’m not going to, okay? So don’t freak out or anything, I just. Wouldn’t it be nice? To be able to kiss in public and not have to be afraid of getting caught? To not have to keep ourselves in check all the time?”

Jared nods his agreement, tucks his hair behind his ears and just _fidgets_ until Jensen wants to reach out and grab his hands to still him. “Of course, it would be awesome man, who wouldn’t want that? But, I don’t know,” he blows out a breath of air and squints over at Jensen. “I don’t know if we’re ready for that.”

And okay, yeah. Jensen was maybe expecting that, but the admittance still kind of stings a little. He just nods and hopes that the choked ‘yeah’ doesn’t sound as bad to Jared as it does to his own ears.

“I’m not saying it won’t happen one day --”

“Don’t worry about it, man, okay? I was just thinking out loud, it’s no big deal.”

“Okay,” Jared gives him a small smile and Jensen returns it the best he can.

The dogs decide to make their presence known again so they don’t have to sit in awkward silence for too long, and as they play and laugh in the sun Jensen can put the conversation out of his mind for the most part. But the entire walk back to the apartment Jensen can feel Jared’s eyes on him and it makes him uncomfortable, which he hates. He should have just kept his mouth shut because now things are going to be weird, Jared is going to be weird and Jensen doesn’t want anything to have changed between them but he thinks it probably has. And he’ll look back on it later and think that this is probably the moment where it all started, when Jared decided that gone was the better alternative.

\---

During the fourth season of Supernatural Jared’s usual stunt double ended up breaking his ankle. Jared had been so upset and he'd sent the guy so many flowers he'd finally had to hobble his way back onto set and tell him to knock it the fuck off. Jared apologized until he hit him with his crutch.

After, Jensen had helped Jared lug the flowers that hadn't been sent yet to the hospital after work to give to the sick kids, Jared blaming his watery eyes on allergies that didn't actually exist when a few of them who could came up to give them hugs.

The replacement, Dave, looked so much like Jared a few of the PA's had gotten confused as he stalked past or had his back turned. But he was the exact opposite of Jared in every other wayl very serious where Jared was often times goofy, quiet when Jared was always _always_ loud. He liked to hang out by himself most of the time, not that he was anti-social or an asshole or anything, and Jensen could appreciate not wanting to be bothered sometimes. He and Jensen became friends though, got to talking one day after work and then there were nights when he would hang out with him instead of Jared. It was nice and comfortable.

It wasn't a secret that Dave was gay, the guy didn't try to hide and Jensen admired him for that. He also didn’t push Jensen into anything, even though Jensen could see the want clearly written all over everything. It was a happy accident when they finally tripped into bed together.

It didn’t go further than that, though, even if Dave clearly wanted to. It wouldn’t have been fair for either of them if it became anything more than a quick fuck, and they both knew the exact reason why. Dave claimed to be okay with it, but Jensen started to resent Jared a little bit after that.

\---

Jared gets a call from his manager in April. She faxes over contracts to sign and an already revised copy of the script and by mid-afternoon it’s all system’s go. Jensen sits quietly at the table, nursing a cup of coffee and stroking the top of one of the dog’s head with his big toe where it lays underneath the kitchen table as he watches Jared pace back and forth across the living room, cell phone stuck to his ear. Every once in a while Jared will look over at him and Jensen gives him what he hopes is an encouraging smile.

Finally Jared snaps his phone closed and plops himself down in one of the dining chairs, stealing Jensen’s coffee.

“How’d it go?”

Jared grins at him before picking up the script to flip through, shrugging self-effacingly. “I think it went awesome,” he says. “You are now officially looking at Chris Shay, Action Hero.”

The grin Jared gives him is blinding and Jensen is struck with such an overwhelming sense of guilt he thinks he might puke. This is Jared’s career, what he’s worked so hard for, and he deserves every good thing that comes his way. Who is Jensen to be selfish and to want to hold him back?

Jensen jumps to his feet and pulls Jared up, into a hug, congratulating him. He holds on tight, presses his face into Jared’s neck and doesn’t let go.

“You okay?” Jared asks and Jensen pulls back, just a little, and grins up at him.

“Of course I’m okay, man. I’m real proud of you, Jared,” he says. And he _is_ , because god, he’s watched this kid grow in more ways than just body mass; honing his skills from some green noob to knocking it out of the park with his talent week after week. And he can appreciate that, not just as a friend or now a lover, but as a fellow actor. Jared made _him_ want to be better, too.

“We should celebrate, yeah?”

Jared steps out of the circle of Jensen’s arm before sitting back down again, face scrunched up as he looks at the script on the table.

“I don’t know man, I don’t really feel like going out. I should probably get started on going over this thing.”

Jensen nods, only a little disappointed, “Sure, yeah. But hey at least let me cook you something nice for dinner, huh? A couple of steaks on the grill? You can still go over the script, maybe I could help.”

Jared’s eyes light up at the possibility of Jensen helping him out and he nods, “I’d love that, Jense. Thank you.”

Jensen waves him off and tells him it’s not a big deal before heading to the kitchen to take the steaks out of the freezer. He’s going to make it a non-issue because he has to. He can’t keep Jared tucked away in his bed forever, even if he really _really_ wants to and he would expect Jared to do the same. People have long distance relationships all the time, and anyway, the still haven’t had The Talk, so for all he knows he and Jared have just been a couple of buddies fucking to pass the time. He doesn’t think that’s what this has been, but who knows? He sure as hell isn’t bringing the subject up any time soon.

Jensen goes out to fire up the grill before heading back inside to get everything else ready. Jared’s still seated at the table, script open in front of him as he reads through it. He’s always had a habit of moving his mouth when he reads along and it makes Jensen chuckle as he wraps a couple of potatoes in aluminum foil.

“What?” Jared asks.

“Nothin’,” Jensen says grinning. He takes the steaks out to the grill and tosses them on, puts the potatoes down to come back to later before going back inside and grabbing Jared by the hand to drag him over to the couch.

“Okay,” he says. “Let’s make this shit awesome.”

 

After the meal is finished and the dishes are cleaned they sit in the living room nursing some coffee. The script is lying on the table in front of them forgotten, the television murmuring low, for background noise, as they chat. Jared grows quiet after a moment, which doesn’t happen often with Jared and anyone else would see it as blessed relief, but Jensen knows Jared and what his quiet reflection actually means. He reaches over to still Jared’s fidgeting hands and laces their fingers together.

“Spill,” he says and Jared huffs a laugh, turns to face Jensen on the couch.

“We’ll be all right, yeah? I don’t want to be some clingy chick here, man, but this won’t change things?”

“Of course not,” Jensen replies, not even sure if he’s lying or not but it comes easy enough. He has no idea if it’ll change things, but he’s not going to allow Jared to think that it will. “We’ve been apart before, dude, we’re not attached at the hip.”

“Yeah I know, it’s just, that was different you know? We weren’t together then, and we’ve both had long distance things before, we know how hard it can be.”

“So we make it work, Jay. You’re right, we’ve both had long distance relationships and we’ve both learned from our mistakes. And besides,” he says, bringing their joined hands up to his mouth to lay a kiss on Jared‘s fingers. “This is us.”

Jared smiles over at him, bright pink spots staining the tops of his cheeks and he nods, “Yeah,” he says breathless, “Yeah you’re right.”

“I promise to write you every day,” Jensen says in an exaggerated falsetto that makes Jared crack up. When he stops laughing Jensen squeezes his hand reassuringly, “Seriously, we’ll be fine.”

Jared nods and Jensen lets go of his hand to start cleaning up the coffee table and putting their things away for the night but Jared stops him with a hand on his arm. His face is questioning, but Jared’s eyes are darkened and Jensen’s belly flips knowingly. “Leave it,” Jared whispers and Jensen nods before getting to his feet and pulling Jared up along with him.


End file.
